Testing Testing 1, 2, 3

" Abraham said ' The Lord will provide for himself the lamb for a burnt offering, my son." So they went both of them together." Genesis Chapter 22 Verse 8

      The story of Abraham and Isaac is not a new one for me, and is usually one that even the most spiritually indifferent person has heard or at least referenced before. While on the field in Guatemala I got the opportunity to be a part of the team that was in charge of putting together the lesson books that the kids used every week during their class time at PFKids club. While working on these books, the Lord used the very stories that the kids were going over that week, or I was writing about to minister to me and the place I was at on a very real and personal level. None stuck out more to me than the Story of Isaac, Abraham and Mount Moriah. The Lord had promised Abraham and Sarah a son, a son through which he would bless the entire world and through whom a nation would be born.
      In their haste and distrust, there came the whole Hagar and Ishmael debacle ( which is a prime example of what happens when we try to take the promises of God into our own hands) but even through that, the Lord proves Himself faithful and sovereign over all.
      The long awaited birth of Isaac finally arrives and we see the beauty of a promise of the Lord fulfilled. Yet not many years later I see God ask something that most people would label "unthinkable". He asks Abraham to sacrifice Isaac unto Him as a burnt offering. Words probably could not describe the confusion that probably went through Abraham's mind, "Lord, but what about all the promises? Why would you give me something, something I waited so patiently for only to rip it away?"Those are the thoughts that would have gone through my mind anyways. However I don't see Abraham ask why, or even hesitate, he rises up early in the morning ( there will be no procrastination on Abraham's part) and he takes his long awaited for son and offers him up as a sacrifice to the Lord.
    Now for those of you who haven't actually read or heard this before, spoiler alert God stops Abraham with knife mid air.
    At first glance, the stopping of Abraham's knife filled hand makes sense, God is a merciful and loving God whose compassion knows no bounds, of course He would stop Abraham, after all wasn't it only a test?
     The thing is that God is also Truth, and He is a keeper of His Word, and I believe that when He asked Abraham to offer Isaac as a burnt sacrifice He meant it. He wasn't just pulling Abraham's leg. For me the Lord showed me that the reason He was able to tell Abraham to "STOP!" was because Abraham had fulfilled the command of the Lord, He had sacrificed Isaac.
     The thing about sacrifice, is that sacrifice is something that happens within the heart. I fully believe that the Lord would have been able to resurrect Isaac after Abraham had physically offered him up, but He didn't have to because the deed was done, Isaac had been sacrificed, but he had been sacrificed in the one place where it matters the most, his heart.
     For me I am at a point in my life where the Lord is having me just sit still before Him and wait. He has asked me to lay down and surrender all of my desires, wants, plans and fully rely on Him to resurrect the ones that are according to His will for me ( and can I just interject with this though, ITS NOT EASY!). It's also not enough to simply not physically do something ( have a conversation, or not have a conversation, not allowing myself to make plans, or try to kick open doors myself) I must also sacrifice those desires in my heart. That means not focusing my prayer or my time in the Word on one specific topic, or looking for an answer, but simply releasing all claims and all feelings of entitlement that I feel I have because of the promises the Lord has given me.
   And that's where faith comes in, He's either the God of the Bible, the Creator of the Universe and the Author of Salvation or He's not. To me, He is most definitely the first, and right now all I can do is rest in Him and the assurance I have that He will fulfill those promises He has given me. Whether or not they end up playing out the way I think they should, or the way I'd like them to is of no importance.
    He is my God, and who am I to withhold a gift from Him, especially one that He has given me in the first place. I cannot love anything more than Him, and that includes His promises. He cannot give me anything until I am ready to release it right back to Him and consecrate it unto Him and His Kingdom.
   The Test is one that occurs within your heart.

Hannah's Cry

“ She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly. And she vowed a vow and said ‘ O Lord of Hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a son then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life , and no razor shall touch his head”

      Reading through the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1 the Lord broke my heart. Hannah was a barren woman, a woman with the desire for a son, it wasn’t a bad desire, or one that went against the will of God, if anything the desire for a son aligned itself beautifully with the Word, yet it was a petition the Lord had not granted her. 

    Though her husband’s second wife ridiculed Hannah for not being able to bear children, her husband Loved her deeply and was blatant about the favor he had towards her, he provided for her and comforted her, yet not even the devoted love of her husband was enough to take away her desire for a son.

     She did the only thing she knew to do,  as a servant of God ( mentions it at least three times in that one chapter)she took her request to her Master, the Maker and Creator of the Universe. “ O Lord of  Host if you will indeed look upon the affliction of your servant” , this is the first portion of Scripture in which the name “Lord of Hosts” is used in reference to God, a name meaning the commander of the angel armies, the supreme ruler of the heavenly realms. Do you know how much skill and strategy is needed to wage earthly battles, let alone heavenly ones?! The same One who is strategically waging war on a Spiritually Universal level, had a strategic and specific  battle plan for Hannah and has a specific and strategic plan for me and you as well ( if that doesn’t bring peace into your mind I don't know what else will)

       The beautiful thing about Hannah’s Cry though ( in my opinion anyways) was the heart behind it, it wasn’t to stop the ridicule of her husband’s second wife or to gain status in the community. She was simply “pouring out my soul before the Lord” (verse 15). She was pouring out her heart and soul, her desires and her dreams before the Lord, dumping out all the contents of her heart out for the Lord to see and saying “Lord this is what I want, this is what’s in my heart”, but she didn’t just stop at pure unadulterated honesty before the Lord, she then proceeded to say that the desire she had, she would give right back to the Lord. She wasn’t just saying Lord “Gimme Gimme Gimme!” In genuine humility, she lifted her heart up towards the Lord saying “O Lord of hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant but will give our servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life” (Verse 11) ( side note, please note the many times she used the word Servant when referring to herself, humility is definitely always needed when presenting your heart before the Lord as well as a genuine heart worship and service to the Lord.

     It was a challenge for me on a very personal level. I felt the Lord asking me “ If I answer your cry, will you give it back to me?”. I’m at a point where I can honestly say yes I would, but I couldn’t have gotten here without the Lord, and that period of anxious waiting, He had me go through. My desires are great and all but the important thing is that I give my all to the Lord, that includes them too. If I want to work here or there, travel, encourage , teach whatever it might be those things aren't bad in and of themselves, the problem arises when I don't give those desires  right back tot the Lord, instead of saying  "Lord this is what's in my heart, if you would give them to me, I'll give them right back to you and use them to glorify your name" I might sometimes stop at only  "Lord this is what's in my heart, give them to me please". There is such a huge difference especially within the Heart of the one Crying out.
     “ And in due time Hannah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Samuel” (Verse 20). Due Time, there is sincerely a time line that the Lord is woking out, it was not that Hannah’s desire or Cry was against the Lord’s will, He just had a specific time frame in which He needed and wanted to get things done. Not to mention if He hadn’t of withheld this son from her, she might have never have consecrated Samuel unto the Lord in the manner which she did, which allowed Samuel to receive intense instruction in Hebrew Law and it was this equipping that complimented quite strongly the call God had placed on Samuel’s life in being a Prophet to the nation of Israel and in being a spiritual influence in the life of King David, the only man in which the Bible states was a Man after God’s own Heart. More importantly though, that time of waiting on the Lord did a work in Hannah's Heart, and strengthened her faith in the Lord and the trust she had in Him in a way that nothing else probably did.

    If you are asking the Lord for something, and He’s not giving it to you, could simply be that what you’re asking is not His will for your life, but it could also be that your heart is not in the right place to receive the blessing, it could be possible that if you receive whatever  it you are asking for , the Lord knows you would not give it back to Him, and it would end up distracting you from the Him more than drawing you closer to Him.

   Ask yourself honestly, could you utter Hannah’s Cry “if it be Your Will Father, I Will Do it Unto You”?

Hopefully A Human Bible Who Really Loves Popcorn

1 Corinthians 9:19

“ For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all so that I might win more of them”

“ I am set free, it is for freedom that I am set free” - I Am Set Free ( All Sons & Daughters)

The Lord speaks to me through  songs sometimes. Obviously the impact found within the song gets its power from the Spiritual Truth of the Word capture between it’s chords but regardless... My freedom, the freedom I have found in the Love of Christ has a purpose. Yes it has released me from multiple prisons and chains that I have shackled myself with, but more than that, more than just affecting me, my freedom now allows me to affect others and show them how to attain it. 

    I am also now faced with the paradoxical dilemma that comes from the Truth that ,in order to be an example of freedom and an arrow that points to the source of my freedom  I have to be freely willing to sacrifice that freedom to become a servant. That means thinking of myself last, putting others first, acting upon the desires that the Lord has for me and not my own. Whether that practically looks like allowing everyone to grab their food before I grab mine, or laying myself down and allow another person to take the lead.. It could also mean willingly submitting and joyfully doing anything and everything that might be asked of me, while always keeping an eye out for ways of going the extra mile and doing more than the bare minimum. Even as I’m typing this out a part of me is growing more and more anxious,waiting to freak out and say“ BUT I CAN’T DO THAT !“ ... and that’s the whole point, I can’t. 

    If I try I’ll just put on the same shackles of bondage that Christ has already freed me of. In the same way that it was only Him that could set me free of my sin and the prison I had created for my self, so is He the only one that will be able to empower me to do this at times seemingly impossible task.  The beauty of it is, that in my weakness, I now as a daughter of God have no other choice ( or desire) but to let my heavenly father help me and it’s that strength that He gives me that will allow me to do the impossible, and ultimately bear witness and testify to the unfailing strength and love of Christ.

    Whether that’s cleaning, cooking, waking up early on my off days or sharing my popcorn, what I’m doing doesn’t matter, it’s how I’m doing it that does.   

   Is it reflecting the Love of God and showing the power of freedom found within that love, or is it reflecting my fleshly self, one can lead people to an eternal life with the Creator, the other can put someone off of that Love and possibly be the excuse they use  to separate themselves from it forever . As a christian I may be the only bible someone ever comes in contact with and that truth places in my heart a huge responsibility to act in a manner worthy of the gospel wherever I am and in whatever I am doing. May my life be lived in such a way that my willing servanthood be one that proclaims the gospel, without me ever having to speak a single word.

Learning A Lesson...Again

Luke Chapter 17 Verse 7 through 10

“ Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come at once and recline at the table? Will he not rather say to him, ‘prepare supper for me, and dress properly and serve me while I eat and drink? Does he thank the servant because he did what he was commanded? So you also , when you have done all that you were commanded, say we are unworthy servants, we have only done what was our duty”

       So this isn’t the first time that I’ve had to IBS these verses.  I went back and I read the IBS I had previously written on the last part of this portion of scripture, just to see what I had written. It is just as convicting the second time as it was the first. The only difference is that because my relationship with the Lord has grown,so have the responsibilities and the situations He’s put me in. I am not just faced with being a good servant, a profitable servant, during KP or servant time but it’s also to now go above and beyond in ALL areas of ministry that He has gifted and entrusted me with. The main point of this portion of scripture was probably always to get me to do that conclusion (I'm getting there, slowly but surely,baby steps right?) , but where I’m at right now in my life, it’s definitely given me a cold hard reality check. I am to throw myself deeper into all of my commitments, and that doesn’t just mean in passion but in faith as well. The faith to truly believe that all that I am doing, whatever it is whether big or small in my own flesh tainted eyes, is worthy to my Master when done with an upright heart. It's a reality check to what my motivation for serving actually is, it shouldn’t be to have a cool story during re-entry, or to compare my field experience with anyone else’s even my own team’s but rather my motivation should be to please the one that has Redeemed and Ransomed me. In Hebrews 11:6 it says “For without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he that comes to God must believe that He is”. So when it seems hard, or uncertain or unclear I am to serve still, and do so with in faith and with everything I have, always looking for an opportunity to do more, because I am not serving anyone else but the One who is the True Living God.

      It’s not to say that the Lord demands all of this back breaking service or is cruel or mistreats His servants, that’s not it at all, in fact Hebrews 11:6  concludes by saying  “and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him”. The Lord loves me, He’s already proven that on the cross and in the Unfailing Steadfast Love that He shows me daily, but He also choses on top of all that to be a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him, not in appearance but in their hearts. I would rather do the same exact thing every single day ( which if you know me would not be easy ) and do it with a right heart ,one that is diligently seeking the Lord is everything I do, say or think than have a jam packed schedule but completely forget to Seek after Him. 

     God is Good, all the time God is good, even in those times when I lose sight of what is really important. I want to be a profitable servant, and those are made within the heart, not within the job. 

Words Can't Express How Sorry I am That it's Taken Me This Long to Post

 I am ridiculously sorry that it has taken me this long to write, especially during my time on the field but you wouldn't not believe how much God is on the move here in Antigua, I get so caught up in the amazing things going on all around me I many times forget to relay that. But that's no excuse, and this is my small yet sincere attempt at atoning for my carelessness.

 So we were challenged by one of our leaders to IBS ( Inductive Bible Study) the same verses that the students who are currently in Guatemala going through the training portion of their one year commitment are going through this week as they look at the characteristic of servanthood. 

Greetings from Guatemala

                                                                                                                                                                                        

       So me and the girls have been here a little over a week and a half already and I cannot believe the work the Lord has already begun. Our PFK location is a tad different than all the other ones mainly because it is currently he newest one, there is a lot foundation work that still needs to be laid down before we can become enamored with the precious little faces that live in this area. I see the pictures and posts of the rest of our family that is currently all around the world and it brings such joy to my face to know that all 12 of us are currently in the exact and perfect will of God for our lives. No location is the same, no host family is the same, no PFK is exactly the same and no team is the same. And while at times is may be extremely easy for me to sit there and point out the differences, and go "hey that's not fair!" the Lord always brings me back to a point of remembrance and awe at the realization that He has cultivated this perfect set up for me, He knew what I could handle, the lessons I need to learn, the experiences I need to go through that will further shape me into the image of Him He wants me to portray to the world. 

               I know and believe that Antigua Guatemala is where I am supposed to be for the next 6 months, and while my heart still longs to travel the world and experience new things and cultures, right now I find myself in the epicenter of God's plan for me ( I'm sorry can I take a second to just marvel and the amazing and incomprehensible fact that there is absolutely no other thing that I could be doing that would be as beneficial to me that what I am right now?!?! The sense of security that it brings me is astounding!)

          While I know and recognize that these 6 months are going to be filled with some of the most amazing moments of my life, with people that I will never forget and experiences that will forever leave me altered and that when I look back I will just stand amazed at the journey the Lord set before me there's a little voice that reminds me of advice that I received not to long ago.....It'll never happen in the way you think it will. A lot can happen in six months, and for right now I am more than content to take it one moment at a time and enjoy every second of it.

Not Just Another Cheesy Light Analogy

“In the same way let your light shine before others, so that they might see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven”- Matthew 5:16

        This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Hide it under a bushel? No! I’m gonna let it shine.
       The poster child of all sunday school songs, yet hidden between it’s catchy tune and repetitive nature I find a truth that is crucial to my walk with Christ. Jesus Himself has called me to be the “ salt and light of the earth”. See here’s the thing I’m convinced that because Jesus sanctified me ( ooh big christianese word! hehe ), the Father can now use me to carry out some of His plans on earth ( how ridiculously cool is that?!)
       Many times me being used of the Lord isn’t going to be magnanimous, I probably won’t be calling down a pillar of fire from heaven, parting the sea, healing people , giving the blind back their sight or raising people from the dead, although you never know. For the most part however, shining my light is going to consist of things that I might not even give much importance to, like giving a 20% tip instead of 15%, actually engaging people in conversation when I go about my day, something as simple as a warm smile, or a big hug could be what the Lord has planned for me that day.
        The little things matter, I’ve learned that so much over the past three months, there are about 25 of us at the ranch at any given time and especially when it comes to the interns I’ve come to realize that God’s glory and Love can be powerfully demonstrated in event the most seemingly mundane tasks, like handing someone your glass of water ( before you’ve had a sip), or allowing them to go before you in the lunch line. The little things are what are going to cause people to stop and take note of the fact that I’m not living my life the way every one else is. Joy, gratitude, a warm smile, or a much needed hug can show Christ just as much as the healing on the blind can.
     I am called to let my light shine before others, in everything I do, even the little things, because in doing so hopefully I leave them wondering why it is that I took the time to take that extra baby step of kindness, and that little step could be the seed that God uses to bring someone to Him.
     So this little light of mine?...I’m gonna let Shine, every which way I can.

Application: I will be purposeful in carrying out even the smallest of tasks, with the understanding that they could make someone’s day

I'm Sorry for Slacking

So I have totally been ignoring my blog and I'm deeply sorry for that....
   The Last week at the Ranch was a sad one for me, I saw family member after family member board a plane or get into a car and drive off, and I myself boarded a plane and flew to Miami for a few days before heading off to the field.
   If I'm being honest, ( honesty is the best policy after all) I have to admit that I wasn't all that excited to come back to the 305. Don't get me wrong I missed my family and friends a lot, and it was indeed very nice to see them again, especially considering it'll be another seven months before I get to do so, but other than that, the city just didn't have a hold on me the way it once did.
    If I've learned anything about being back here for the past few days is that God is not bound to any one geographical location. It sounds like a pretty obvious concept, but many times I selfishly believe that God is present in my current location and that's pretty much it. The physical location doesn't determine how much or how strongly you feel God's presence, that comes from you're personal relationship with Him and purposing yourself to spending time with Him and in prayer.
   In less that 12 hours I will have officially landed in Guatemala, the every so anticipated field location, but what will determine how strongly and clearly I experience the Lord and His will isn't the fact that I have crossed international boarders, or I that I have officially by dictionary definition have become a Missionary. That is determined by purposing to dedicate time, effort, energy and heart into my one on one relationship with the God of the Universe, regardless of where my physical body may reside.
   

 

I Need to be A Walkie Talkie

“ But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection,lest when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.” 1 Corinthians 9:27

      “ Above Reproach”- Two simple little words that hold so much strength and power. Being a christian, I am an ambassador, I’m suppose to be an example of what it looks like for someone to follow Christ and can I just tell you....it’s not easy. It’s rewarding and it’s the better life, worth living but it is by no means easy.
    I have found myself in moments when I’m exhausted and wondering why I have to always be the “bigger” person, or have patience or be kind and gentle even though a lot of the times it’s not my nature to be so. The Lord is ever faithful and always brings me back to a place where He ever so lovingly reminds me of not only what He has already done for me, but also that He has redeemed me for a specific purpose.
      God has a plan for me, individual and specific for who I am and what I’ve been though. There are lessons that I have to learn, there are experiences that I have already been through that are also a part of the plan He has for me. The Lord has allowed me to go through things in my life, not only to strengthen me and bring m closer to Him, but to also be able to come along side other people that have struggled through the same things I have and be able to encourage them, and point them to Christ during their hard times.
    However, if I am not walking the walk while I’m talking the talk, then all of what I can instill into people or the encouragement I can offer becomes useless. Nobody wants to be lectured, especially not by someone that isn’t even doing what they are telling you you should do.
     So why do I have to be above reproach? Why do I have to make sure that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and specifically what the Lord is calling me to? Because if I don’t I myself am nailing a door of outreach and encouragement shut, and that’s not what the Lord intended for me, and who am I to go against the Will of God?

Application:
  Today I commit to be purposeful with my actions and make sure that I am diligently doing the tasks set before me, and slow to speak but quick to listen.

Confessions of A Non Runner

1 Corinthians 9: 24 “ Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it”

       So I’ve never really been a runner...at all. It’s just not my thing, the concept of mindlessly running for miles and miles on end is just not appealing to me, nor do I have the endurance to run for miles and miles on end. So this analogy has always been a hard one for me to track with the entire way through...
        Ok, let’s say I’m in a race, a 5k, there are hundreds of people running alongside next to me, assuming that I make it to the finish line ( hey a girl can dream right?...it is metaphorical after all) if I’m not the first one to cross it, then I ran for no reason, I didn’t get the prize, all the sweat, tears ( and trust me if I were running a 5K there would be tears) and effort I put into the race would be useless. Yeah I’d get a good work out but in the big picture I didn’t accomplish my goal.
         Can I just take this moment to say that I am SO thankful God does’t follow earthly rules because if He did...I’d be screwed. I’m not the best runner and I’m definitely not the best christian that’s ever existed, or the best christian currently on the planet or even in this room. The thing is that this verse isn’t calling us to be the best, but do our best, there’s a difference. We’ve all heard it before “ there will always be someone who can do it better”, but with God it isn’t about what we accomplish for Him, but the heart we have while we are doing it. When Paul talks about running, it’s not physically ( PRAISE THE LORD!) but spiritually, I am to strive to do my very best and rely on the Lord to carry me to and through the finish line. I can try to do it on my own strength, but chances are I’d pass out half way through, not even coming into view of the finish line.
 

Application: I will spend 30 minutes trying to translate this metaphor into one that I can actually relate to, in an effort to further break this one apart.

The Better Life

“and everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things.Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown” 1 Corinthians 9:25

     This immediately makes my brain jump to  Matthew 6:19-20 “ do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal ; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven where neither moth nor rust destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal”.
    I just turned 19 years old, so there I’ve never really had to worry about a 401 k or retirement fund or any of that, but I have definitely had my fair share of experiences where I have had to refocus and realize that the “prize” I’m striving for is not one of this world, but a heavenly one.
      Ever since I can remember I have loved school ( except for math) I genuinely love to  learn new things, I don’t know why it just excites me, I’ve always done well in academics. I was always in advanced classes, I went to a high school that allowed me to earn my AA degree for free before I even technically had graduated from high school, I had multiple scholarships and grants offered  to me when I graduated, not to mention the two years I shaved off my college time.
     From a worldly stand point I was on my way to making it big. I had planned my life out already, go to school another 4 ears, get my masters in Mental Health Counseling, work for a church, but do some free lance work on the side and pretty much be set for the rest of my life, regardless of whether or not I married someone with a good job.
      In the midst of my planning, and at the end of my senior year, God decided to intervene in my life and put going to Potter’s Field into my heart. But taking a year off would meant I lost my scholarships, lost time and momentum that I would never get back. So I was faced with a hard decision, stay or go? Continue running the race for an earthly reward that I was justifying in my head ( if I work at a church, aren’t I doing the Lord’s will?) or take myself out of the race and join a completely new one?
     If I’m being honest, I went back and forth so many times between staying and going, the arguments I had with myself would rival any day time soap opera, but at the end I couldn’t ignore that Call I knew God Himself had placed in my life.
     I waited until the very last minute I could, and I called the scholarship office and let them know my plans. I’m sharing this not to boast about me or my accomplishments, because at the end of the day whatever knowledge, opportunities or scholarships I was blessed with I only received by the Grace of the Lord, but to show your my frame of mind at the time, and to highlight that there is a good life, and then there is a better life. The better life won’t always seem appealing or easy, or comfortable, actually for the most part it will never look like that. But we are running a different race, with different rules, and the prize is so much better.
     If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t have done anything differently, I don’t regret losing the money, or time or momentum because what I gained in exchanged was so much better, I gained the opportunity to live my life and run my race in a way that is genuinely pursuing the prize of Heaven, and an intimacy with Christ that can not be bought, or taught in any university out there.


Application:
    i commit to seeking the Lord for 20 minutes tonight on a crossroads decision I have to make, making sure I’m making the best life decision

I'm Proud to be an American....and Hispanic

1 Corinthians 9:22b-23 “ I have become all things to all men, that I by all means might save some. Now this I do for the gospel’s sake, that I may be partaker of it with you”

   This verse is one I know very well. It seems like for most of my life I have had two distinct parts of me. There is the american me, the Monica that has gone to public school her entire life, that knows all the current pop culture, slang, music and knows the American way, and then there’s the 1/3 Cuban, 1/3 Costa Rican Monica, the Monica that speaks Spanish, has certain cultural mannerism and can easily fall into line with different cultures.
   I’ve taken my heritage for granted for most of my life, mostly because of the fact that I’ve grown up in a city where about 90% of the other inhabitants have similar cultural backgrounds. It wasn’t until I came up to Montana that I felt the cultural differences highlighted. Certain comments or preconceived notions ( all innocently expressed) I noticed would catch me off guard or would make me take a step back. I knew none of them were malicious in intent or meant to be hurtful, but for the first time in my life I didn’t feel american. I very quickly started to resent that I could speak spanish and that I didn’t have blond hair, light eyes and the fact that when I speak, it’s mostly with my hands.
    God is sovereign though and has showed me that He has given me the ability to speak spanish and to adapt easily to culture so that I can help further His work, especially now that I am being deployed to a Spanish speaking, Hispanic country.
    As ambassadors of Christ it is essential that we don’t pledge our hearts to any specific culture, but to the Word of God instead. The word of God transcends all culture, but it’s delivery many times has to adapt itself to the current surrounding and local people. When I fly to Guatemala I can try and minister to people in english, but my chances of it being effective are lower than if I did it in Spanish, ( not that God can’t use non spanish speakers to minister to the locals, but you get the point) I could try using american cartoons to illustrate a biblical principle but if they’ve never seen it before its a moot point. When I’m sharing Christ, I stand firm on the foundation of Biblical Truth that I have learned, but I make myself completely flexible to it’s delivery.
   I still struggle sometimes with the differences I see, but it’s allowing God to teach me to trust Him, trust that He gave me my hair and eye color for a reason, trust that He’s blessed me with the ability to speak more than one language, and blessed me with the opportunity to grow up experiencing multiple cultures for a reason, even if it’s not crystal clear at the moment.
  I have not committed my life to reaching a certain group of people in a specific way, I have committed my life to the spreading of God’s word, and Love to all people, in whatever way I can until the WHOLE world hears.

Application: God has made me me, and I need to start learning to accept that, so I will commit to make psalm 139 mine personally and memorize it, not just in repetition, I also  will begin to pray for the people of the country, in a hope that God gives me a burden for them

Little Miss Imperfect

“ Not that I have already attained or am already perfect but I press on,that I may layhold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me” - Phillipians 3:12

     It’s crazy for me to think that I’ve already entered my third month here at Potter’s Field. It seems like only yesterday that the 12 of us met in the haze of that first day, but here we are 63 days later and closer than I ever thought we could ever get.
    The Lord has definitely met me here, taught me lesson after lesson and opened my eyes times and time again to truths that I was for so long blind to. The Monica that I see today in the mirror is definitely not the same girl that I was when I got here and I praise the Lord for His Faithfulness and His willingness to continue to teach me and mold me despite my pride and foolish ways ( see what I did there? hehe).
    Does that mean that I’m done? Now that I can actually see growth in myself dos that mean I’ve reached the pinnacle end all be all in my growth adn relationship with the Lord?...pft! NOPE!
     If there is one thing that the Lord has shown me time and time again, especially in the last few days is that I wil never achieve perfection ( man was that a hard lesson for me to learn) nor will I ever reach a point in my walk with Him where I get a retirement plan and slow down, nor is that something I want to do.
    I need to push through and continue steadfastly in my walk, and this mentality should not be limited to times of trouble or trial, but should be at the forefront of my mind during the good times as well. Yay! I’m delighting myself in the Lord, walking with Him daily and  growing more and more everyday, I need to persevere with this attitude.
    I’m scared to grow complacent with my walk, I’m genuinely scared that this Love I have for God will one day become common place and that in my comfort I will stop strive to perfect myself in Him, or work towards the plans He’s specifically laid out for me.
    I love the last part of the verse, “ that I may layhold of that which Christ Jesus laid hold of me”. I get this picture of my head of Christ grabbing me out from the depth so that I could with the same fervor and love grab ahold of the plans that He has for my life.
    In the same way that He never ceases to have a desire for me to be with Him and He never grows weary of pursing me, may I never become weary or pursuing Him and may I never cease to desire to be within His will, accomplishing the work that He rescued me for.

Application:
     I commit to praying for a fresh baptism of the Holy Spirit every single day first thing every morning from now until October.

It's Not a Hobby

Philippians 3:10 “ that I may know Him and the power of the resurrection and the fellowship of the sufferings being conformed to His death”

power of the resurrection
the fellowship of His sufferings
conformed to His death

    Those are some pretty heavy things to make your own. I many times find myself underestimating or not fully grasping the reality and depth of what the Lord has accomplished for my sake.
      Being a christian is not defined by your sunday schedule, your vocabulary or the super secret apple pie recipe that has been passed down from one church bake sale to another.
       To know God and the power of His resurrection, take a second to think about it, go on, I won’t be offended...

     Pretty amazing huh? I was just thinking about it and trying to wrap my mind around a full and complete concept of God...it gave me a head ache. Through Christ I have the power to intimately spend time with the very entity that spoke the complexity of the universe into existence.....what?!
      There is a true depth to this relationship I have with Christ, it entails persecution, trial and low valleys just as much as it entails love, hope, joy and peace.
     This is REAL.To limit it only to a hobby or a time slot in your schedule is pretty much blasphemous. My relationship with God is continuously transforming me, and the second that it’s not, it probably means that I’ve lost sight of the magnitude of the amazing opportunity that I have in having true communion with the Living and Loving God.
     For me personally, I’ve tried christianity as simply a hobby or a filler in one of my time slots, but now that I have embraced it fully and have experienced it in the way God originally intended for me to experience it...I can never go back. Im no longer content with settling in my relationship with Christ, I don’t just want to brilliant sunday morning smiles, and the cheesy Christianese phrases. I want the messy, hard, painstakingly impossible, all of it, every single aspect of being in a relationship with Christ, from being conformed to His death, to partaking in the fellowship of His suffering and especially the power of the resurrection.

God Does Not Work Like Chuck E. Cheese

“ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith.”
Philippians 3:9

 Righteousness as defined by the dictionary on my computer, is a noun, the quality of being morally right or justifiable.
       So wait, you mean to tell me that I can’t be righteous by my own strength? What is this? So you mean to tell me that all those volunteer hours I put into Children’s ministry, and all the time I spent making operation Christmas child show boxes and going around town feeding the homeless won't justify me or my mistakes?! Who came up with this rule?!
      It’s ridiculously hard for me personally to remember that my works, and acts of service are not what reconcile me to God.I can’t save up all of my servant time hours and then go to God and buy His Love or justify myself to Him, it doesn’t work that way.
      I’ve found myself countless of times hoping that if I just serve more people, or spend more time doing “godly” acts that it would in some way, shape or form grant me favor with God, or exalt me in His presence,and that is exactly the opposite of what He finds pleasing.
      Hebrews 6 says that it is impossible to please God without faith. It’s when I have faith in Him, when I trust that He is in control of my life and have hope in Who He is and what He has done for me, that I truly start to  be pleasing in His sight. It seems ironic and almost comical to me even as I’m typing this out, the very thing that I so many times place my hope in to bing me favor with God, is the thing that many times keeps me from it. When I’m relying on my works, I’m taking the faith I should be putting in God and placing it in me and what I can do, or accomplish... talk about twisted.
     Now don’t get me wrong, works are a good thing I think James says it best in verse 22 of his second chapter “ Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect?”. We can’t just stop at faith, if I had all the faith in the world but never used it to move the mountains that God has asked me to move then why have faith in the first place. Being active and engaged in the work of His Kingdom is not a bad thing at all. I just need to make sure I’m checking my motives and ensuring that when I do step out and do a work it’s been directed by my Faith in God and not being used as a way to get to God.

Application:
     Today when I serve or do a “godly” task I will pray that the spirit makes me sensitive and convict me the second my heart starts to lean on those actions to justify  me and my failures.

That's Garbage!

“ Yet, indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and counted them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ.” Philippians 3:8

     The end of this verse really stuck out to me. I have suffered the loss of all things and counted them as rubbish, hmm....I don’t know about you but when was the last time that you were sad when you saw the garbage truck take away your trash?
    Why would someone suffer the loss of trash? Why would they miss it at all?
     But the thing is... don’t we all? We have been cleansed of our filth and the wicked ways which we have walked, yet many times I find that I can’t stop looking back. If you know me at all, you know that I think ...way too much...about everything. It’s a gift when used in the way the Lord wants, but apart from that it can become a curse ( doesn’t everything pretty much work like that). I’ve often found myself reminiscing on the days of my rebellion, and not in a negative way either. I’ve found myself in the sandals of the Israelite crying out for the onions of Egypt, I’ve been Lot’s wife as she takes that one last fatal look at Sodom and Gomorra...but the question still begs...why!?
     If I’ve given my life, my all, to Christ then why is it that even though I mentally count all of my past experiences without Christ as rubbish that a part of me continues to mourn and suffer their loss, even if it’s only a little bit?
   For me personally, the Lord has shown me that while I’m quick to offer up my best to Him, I still haven’t fully grasp the art of giving Him my bad. Instead of releasing the burden of my failures and mistakes, instead of surrendering the years that the locust have eaten away and accepting redemption, instead of giving HIm my heart the good and the plain gross, I’ve only offered up the better half. I’m still carrying the bad with me, the reason that I turn back to those times is because I still carry them with me. I’m still carrying around a decaying corps with me, of course I’m going to get a whiff of the stench every now and then and be reminded of who the corpse was and what it did.
     But God has shown me that I really am a new creation in Him, and that He’s seen the dead carcass the entire time, psalm 139, He knows me, He sees my heart, I cannot be hidden from Him especially not now that I’m His daughter. It’s time to drop the carcass and embrace the freedom of forgiveness. It’s only when I finally truly count it as loss to carry around my burdens, that I’ll finally fully gain CHrist.
    And while this is drenched in Christianese and cheesy saying we have all heard before, it is true, it is genuine and for the first time God is showing me that those “cheesy” phrases can many time hold the keys to unlocking the shackles around your feet, if you’ll only be willing to let them truly sink in.
   Want to know something else?....
“ And I will restore to you the years that the Locust have eaten...”- Joel 2:25

Application:
         I will recite Joel 2:25 when I feel the weight of my past start to creep in on me, and go to someone I trust and share my burden and be transparent with them.

Use Me

“Does He thank the servant because he did the things commanded to him? I think not.”

Luke 17:9

This verse for me personally is really convicting. How many times to I go to God expecting Him to Bless or encourage me simply for doing what He has told me to do.
   God I loved my neighbor even though it was really hard to at the time, Lord I was honest and respected my parents today ( for the most part), God I didn’t mess up too badly today, is it time for me to receive my reward?
   When I was younger I used to get upset when I saw ribbons and trophies being given out simply for participation or for showing up. Oh! You participated in the 200 meter dash but came in dead last?! That’s ok here’s a ribbon! Your basketball team hasn’t won a single game during the season? No, problem! You still get a trophy! Our society celebrates mediocracy!
    This verse seriously made me stop and question why it is that I even try and walk according to the way I know God has called me to walk. Am I striving to be obedient in response to the sacrifice He has committed for me and the Love that He continues to show me, or because I hope that if I behave like a good little girl He’ll finally grant me the answer or give me confirmation on something I’ve been praying for for weeks. Who am I trying to fool? LIke God doesn’t know my heart. LIke He can’t see the real motivation behind my behavior.
     Like Pastor G taught we are going to be given task upon task sometimes and we cannot expect a thank you simply for doing what we are called to be doing, because if that’s the reason we are performing the task then we have already failed at being a christian. Even if the task is completed to perfection, if in our hearts we are doing it simply for the recognition, or out of pride then we have ruined the task, we have failed.
      It really makes absolutely no sense for us to expect a thank you, or recognition simply for doing the bare minimum requirement, and sometimes we can even come to expect recognition for less than the bare minimum. My prayer is that my Christianity not be about how many blessings I can get out of my Relationship with God, but how much of God I get from my relationship with God. I’m really going to try extremely hard to change my perspective from “give me, give me, give me” to “use me, use me, use me.” abandoning all  regard for whether or not I can reap anything out of it.

Dead Girl Walking

“ But will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare something for my supper, and gird yourself and serve me till I have eaten and drunk, and afterward you will eat and drink”’

 Luke 17:8

You can totally tell that I’ve been raised in American, I read, and re-read this verse and my flesh just started to boil!... Wait so you want me to serve you first, make sure you’re all cozy and taken care of and then ‘m “allowed” to eat and have a cup of water?! Are you kidding me?!
  Um...No. See here’s the thing, I’m dead, and I’ve never seen a dead person claim their rights. I have made a consciences decision to live my life for Christ, that means that my life is literally not my life anymore, but His to do with what He pleases. It’s not Monica’s Life being lived by Monica, it’s Christ’s living His life through Monica ,and I have to do my very best to live in the exact way He has commanded me.
   When I wake up in the morning I’m not supposed to make a mental note of all the things I want to accomplish that day, what I really should be doing is meeting with the Lord every morning and asking Him what He’d have me do that day.In the same way that the servant works for his Master and places his Master’s desire before he ever considers his own, so am I to make sure that my wants, and desires are to come secondary to God’s.
     Obviously it’s easier said than done, and even as I’m writing this there’s a part of me that’s asking “ I have to die to myself all the time? He doesn’t really want all of my heart at all time right...?” But He does. It’s my selfishness that doesn’t want to die to myself but it’s during that time that the Lord directs me to Romans 8:28:
 And we know that all things work together for the good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His Purpose”.
    As hard as it might be in that moment for me to die to myself, His word comforts me with the hope and promise that when I finally do completely die to myself in a situation, He, being the Faithful,Amazing and Wonderful God that He is, will make sure that the situation works out first to glorify HImself and His kingdom, but secondly that it will work itself out in a way that ultimately will be for my own good.
   God is my Heavenly Father, and He won’t leave me hanging, but I need to make sure that my priorities and more importantly my heart places God and what He wants for me above my own desires.

Application:
        I will fight my pride and desire to be in control outside of God’s will, by verbally repeating Romans 8:28 when I feel myself being led by a will other than God’s.

God is Not a Vending Machine

And which of you having a servant plowing or tending sheep, will say to him when he has come in from the field ‘come at once and sit down to eat”-Luke 17:7 

        Ok so I’ve been staring at my bible for what seems to be forever trying to figure this verse out, and I think I might have finally come to a conclusion...maybe

A servant is someone who goes about getting work done for someone else without any regard for themselves or their own opinions, wants and needs. A servant, especially during that day and age had no days off, they didn’t have a set 9am-5pm monday-friday schedule they worked by, they were always on duty.
     So let’s say I’m a servant ( which I technically am as a Christian) it wouldn’t make any sense for me to finish one task and then expect to be rewarded for it, especially when there is still more to do. Why should my master reward me if I haven’t even stepped up and accomplished all my tasks or what He’s asked me to do?
     Even as I’m typing this there is a part of me that’s going “ ouch...that’s a bit harsh”, and it might seem so at first but think about it this way, rewards are supposed to be given out for behavior and actions that at the very least are all encompassing of someone’s responsibility, we do not reward someone with a paycheck for only finishing half of their job responsibilities, and we certainly don’t give them a bonus for it.
    As Christians we many times want to be given rewards, and showered with blessings after only taking a single baby step of faith, sometimes we want God to reward us for less than that, but that’s not how it should be at all.
    We are to work and strive for Him, not for a reward but simply because we are His bondservants ( servants by choice). I need to check my heart when I do things, making sure that my motives are not just because I think if I do something the Lord will bless me, but doing something because1) He’s God and He’s already done more than enough to warrant my complete devotion 2) the Lord has given me the responsibility 3) if I do it in the way that He’s called me to then I’ll bring Glory and honor to Him, that should be my only motivation.
      It’s not to say that God won’t bless us when we are obedient and do as we are told, but that’s up to His discretion. Even if He never blesses us, or rewards us again, He has already done enough, more than enough to warrant our loyalty and servanthood.
     He it not a vending machine, where we put 25 cents worth of obedient in and get a bag of blessings out. He is the Living Creator God that has redeemed us by His Son and has asked us into relationship with Him, may I never lose sight of that.

Application:
    I will spend 20 minutes in prayer tonight asking the Lord to reveal to me the main motivation of my heart, and ask Him to give me a sensitivity to the Spirit, in order to really know when I’m doing something out of a pure heart, or a greedy one.

Making the Trees Dance

“So the Lord said, ‘If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea.’ and it would obey you’”
Luke 17:6

A mustard seed is a very small thing, mentally I’m sure we all know that, but I’ve actually held one in my hand, and man are they tiny, even in comparison with other seeds.
   This verse makes me a bit nervous, because if all I really need is a tiny ounce of faith to animate trees and make they dance in the river, why haven’t I made them dance before?
   I don’t know about you but I haven’t seen very many mulberry trees talking a stroll to a river bank and just wade in the water. Why is that? Does the Word literally mean that if I simply believe I can make trees come to life? Or is it trying to highlight the fact that I as a child of God many times in my heart and mind place a limit on His power?
     Stay with me for a second. When I first read this verse, my knee jerk reaction was kind of to scoff it off, it seems silly, almost fantastically so,that this would be the picture chosen to illustrate Faith... but I think that that might be the point. If I cannot take God at His literal word and sincerely believe that I can make a Mulberry tree pick up its roots by my Faith in God and plant itself in a river, then how can I claim to have faith in God when it comes to moving mountains or curing cancer? If the silliest almost fairy tale like actions cause me to doubt God, do I really have all that much faith in Him at all?
     Maybe the reason that I haven’t seen very many trees dancing in the river is because I don’t have enough faith to make them dance. This verse brings to light, at least for me, how little faith I have in God sometimes. No millimeter of my heart should doubt that God could actual command a tree to move and that it would actually move. I’m called to have child like faith, whether it be in the literal and physical movement of trees and mountains or faith that He can completely heal someone, or deliver me from sin, or even that He has plans for me that are not going to lead me in the wrong direction.
       My Faith is being stretched just by being here, but for me, it was really important to note just how much more I have to learn, not in a condemning way or anything but simply as a realization that having faith is crucial, and you can never have too much, but you can certainly not have enough.

Application:
     I will memorize Matthew 6:30 unto my heart and repeat it out loud whenever I find myself doubting God, or what He’s spoken to me

The Bold Bride

" For whoever is ashamed of Me and My Words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him the Son of Man will also be ashamed when He comes in the Glory of His father with His holy angels"- Mark 8:28

        We are His Bride, if we put anyone else's opinion or thoughts above HIm, then we are cheating on our Groom,t he one who saved us and bought us so we would not perish. if we are ashamed of Him after knowing what He has done for us, then in essence we are denying HIs gift and the Holy Spirit. Come judgement day, because we were ashamed and didn't want to be made fun of or where afraid of whether or not we'd lose a friend or two, because we didn't count deaths gain, dying to ourselves to glorify God, the most important aspect of our life He will be ashamed of us before His Father.

       What kind of a Bride is ashamed of the work her Beloved Groom has done for her?

    May we be aware of the price paid for us, and live for our life unashamed of our Lord and His message. Let us be more concerned with whether nor not we'll be rejected by our savior than by men.

Application:

     I will not shy away from sharing what the Holy Spirit is placing on my heart, I will pray for boldness and discernment so that I can share the right words at the right time whether it be with non-believers or believers alike.

All that Glitters is Not God

" For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?"-Mark 8:36

         It seems like in today's world, the most important thing is gain. We want the flashiest sports cars, the biggest T.Vs, the latest apple gadget, the most well paying job. the nicer house etc. etc. etc. As long as we come out on the other side of the equation with MORE then we are good to go.
       Everyone is striving to be the next Donald Trump or Bill Gates, to have the largest bank accounts or to own the most land.
      However, the more people try and gain, the less satisfying their possessions start to become. "Do not lay up for yourself treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal". That shiny sparkly object we once had so much reverence for will become rust and rubble before our very eyes. The more we try to acquire possessions, wealth and status, the quicker the moths destroy.
     Life is not about how much you can acquire but about how much you give, love and show Christ to people. Anything else becomes a distraction, owning the land of the world and all the money within it will not save you ( not that having money is bad, if the Lord has blessed you it's for a reason, just don't expect it to be God). Take it from King Solomon, the richest ruler whoever lived "vanities of vanities it is all vanity"- Ecclesiastes 1:2
  Do not let the thieves of this world rob you of your heavenly treasures. Seek Him, enrich your soul, not your pockets.

Application:
    In the morning I will make sure to have my quiet time with the Lord before I take a single look in the mirror.

This Reminds Me of a Toby Mac Song....

"Or what will a man give in exchange for His soul?"- Mark 8:27

What am I willing to give?

I think this question boils down to, how real is your faith and your belief that Jesus Christ truly saved you! What are we willing to do, sacrifice, experience for the sake of our souls? Do we toss our souls away carelessly at the feet of idols, only bringing it to God when those line tear it apart? Are we Gomers?
   Do we actually recognize that a great price has been paid for our souls, a payment method so strong that it has managed to completely wipe our slate as well as our souls clean? All we have to do is take a step towards HIm.
  Many times we as Christians have that knowledge but don't allow it to take root in our hearts and transform our lives, to bring us to a place where we are willing to do anything for the Lover and Savior of our Souls? What are we willing to given exchange for the fact that the Lord has preserved our souls.
    It's important not to confuse our response to the cleansing of our souls with what actually causes our souls to be cleansed ( faith without works is dead). We need to allow ourselves to be fully comprehend the fact that He saved our souls, once we do that, what won't we do in response to what He did?

Application:
    Today I will spend time simply meditating on just what it is that the Lord has done for me, and whether of not my life shows that I recognize and appreciate it.

Mirror, Mirror

" For Whosoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it" - Mark 8:35

        The first thing that comes to my mind when I read this verse is martyrdom. The countless number of men and women who have literally laid down their lives for the name of God and for the sake of spreading the Gospel.
      However does this now make it a requirement for you to be killed for Christ in order to be saved? I don't think we are there quite yet, but I do think that this verse hints towards a very bold truth, anyone who considers his or her life to be above God, or His Will, or who realistically cannot ( with full knowledge and understanding of what He has done for us) submit and surrender to the Lord probably isn't in a true thriving relationship with Christ.
   I've heard the phrase "kingdom paradox" many times before, especially in discussing verses like these ( you know the one's I'm talking about, those that on the surface, and because of their wording seem to not really be forming any coherent thought but really hold invaluable nuggets of truth) This verse though confusing many times, is also straight and to the point. If I as a believer hold anything with more  value ( even my life) than I do God, then there is a definite problem that needs to be looked into.
      I think many times we can pretend to be "simple minded" because if we do not then we are held accountable for the truth and our actions are then held up against that light.
      May we not hide behind excuses but rather take a good hard look at ourselves and the true condition that our hearts are in.
     It's easy to pass judgement on others and point out their imperfection or the areas in which they are falling short, but it's not so easy when the mirror is flipped and the reflection we are criticizing is our own. While the reflection is many times not pretty, it's a prime starting point and ultimately  the best place to find ourselves, for it's in that state of humility that God has been known to show up and work His Mightiest.

Application: Today I will pray and ask the Lord to show me a clear reflection of the condition of my heart, and to give me an honest understanding of just how highly I can actually ( and inaccurately ) think of myself.

Ft. Knox Ain't Got Nothing on Me

Love never fails. But whether [there are] prophecies, they will fail; whether [there are] tongues, they will cease; whether [there is] knowledge, it will vanish away.
1 Corinthians 13:8

God is Love. We have all heard the expression before. I’m pretty sure I even used it in another IBS. The thing is that for me personally, I am at a place where God has just been showing me and teaching me what Love is by using Him to illustrate it. I feel as if many of my classmates have grasped the basic concept of Love and what it is and how to execute it, especially in regards to God, and are now moving on to how to practically apply it to the people that God has placed in my life.
     I’m still in the Remedial Class for Love. It’s a concept that in reality is very new to me. I had a very twisted perspective on Love, hating it only because I could not truly comprehend what it was, or when it was being shown to me, if I even thought it was being shown to me.
     So when I read verse 8, you want to know how God has shown it to me?
“ I (God) never fails, but whether (there are) prophecies, they will fail: whether (there are) tongues, they will cease: whether (there is knowledge), it will vanish away” but HE won’t. In going through this weeks IBS, HE has shown me so powerfully who He is. HE is Love, He has patience with me, He is not arrogant, He endures my shenanigans, rejoice when I am walking in truth and will not stand to let me wallow in iniquity. He will never fail.
    For me there is Hope in that. I have a new found appreciation for this chapter, not because it suddenly makes me feel all warm and fuzzy necessarily but because it strengthens me by reminding me who my God is. In having an understanding of Him as Love it better helps me understand why His greatest commandment is to Love, because to Love in the biblical sense is to be like HIm, is to try your very hardest to change your heart, actions and perspective  to match His. Loving others is just as much a work in you as it to them.
    I still have a lot to work on regarding this subject, but He has started to remove the walls and defense system ( which would have given Ft. Knox’s a run for its money!....see what I did there!?) that has stopped me from fully loving for so long and has started to de-frost that part of my heart that I have always felt I’ve had to keep cold to keep safe.
     It’s scary, exciting and nerve racking all at the same time, but that’s ok, because you know what?....my God never fails.

Application: I will memorize verse 8, not only mentally but with my heart, in an effort to build my defense against the lies that I've let consume me for far too long.

Heart in the Raw

1 Corinthians13:7 “ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”

This is the part where I start to internally cringe whenever the subject of love gets brought up. I’m not a lovey dovey person, anyone that has known me for about 5 minutes knows that I’m just not into the ooey gooey love sick puppy bit, but the disgust is a knee jerk reaction to fear. I hate it because if I hate it, then I’ll never let it happen, and if I never let it happen then I won’t get hurt.
    My parents split when I was very little and my dad spent about a decade after that coming in and out of my life in a way that left me crushed and completely hopeless. In my mind, I wasn’t lovable. He couldn’t bear being around me, he never fought to stay close by, he didn’t believing in me, if he would he would check in more often, he had no hope in me being anything beneficial or worth staying for, he couldn’t endure the horror of having me as a daughter.
    As dramatic as that seems that was the lie that I believed about my self for almost 19 years. I wasn’t worth anything, and the simple thought of being around me sent the one man that was suppose to love me forever simply for being me, running for the hills, he would come back but leave again, no matter how hard I tried to prove my worth, he would always find some reason to split...every single time. Leaving me completely broken and hopeless inside, believing I was unbearable, hopeless and that no one would ever be able to endure me for very long,I genuinely believed that eventually everyone would leave and give up on me. Nothing I did would ever prove I was worth it.
    The scariest part of all of this is that I wasn’t even aware that I was believing this lie. I’ve never been one to blame the devil for every little wronging that goes on in my life, but when one of the Pastor’s taught on “believing the Lie” ( that lie that we have all let infiltrate our lives as truth and is now being a hinderance to our relationship with the Lord) it all clicked. Not only was this lie infiltrating the way I viewed myself, others and my entire perspective on Life, but the way that I viewed and trusted the Lord as well.
    I was relying on works to please the Lord, because that was the only way I could figure out to even try and attempt to impress my earthly father. Every time I sinned I would cringe and postpone going before the Lord, because I knew that when I did confess He would walk away from me, tired of putting up with me, deeming me once and for all unworthy, not only of earthly love but of His perfectly Love as well.
    You know what though? He hasn’t left me yet, and I am now convinced that He never will. God IS LOVE. That means that when we read chapter 13 of the first letter to the Corinthians, what we are really reading is that God suffers long and is kind, God bears all things (including me), believes in all things (including me) and endures all things (also including me).
    God will not leave me, God will always be fighting for my best, God will not get tired of my shenanigans and abandon me, His Love endures forever. He in turn gives me hope, strength to bear and endure all things and He will give me the strength to believe that He really does love me unconditionally and irrevocably, and that He wants the best for my life and that He won’t just walk away half way through our Journey. He is a faithful God, and He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it, holding my hand the entire way through, never letting me go.
    I will obey Him and work for His glory not in an attempt to keep Him in my life, but as a response of the fact that He intervened in my life and loved me with such a fierce and redemptive Love that He knew my heart so desperately needed.

Application:
   I will spend 30 minute meditating on Chapter 13, mindful of the fact that our God is Love.

Walk Away

“ does not rejoice in Iniquity, but rejoices in the truth”- 1 Corinthians 13:6

    Love does not rejoice in immoral or grossly unfair behavior but rejoices in the quality or state of being truth. Love, true love, does not sit there and encourage behavior that is clearly wrong, or not of the Lord but delights in behavior that aligns itself with what God has deemed right.
  Having spent a lot of my life in the church, I have seen my fair share of “walk aways”. Those that have practically grown up right beside you (Pastor’s/Overseers Kids, founding family members, church babies) and then for one reason or another decide that they are through with God and the Church. The thing about this though is that they don’t just decide from one day to another get up and decide to leave. It starts with small compromises, a little sin here, a doubt there, one small act of rebellion every now and then, it’s harmless really....
     The thing is that it’s not, I experienced this first hand as one of my childhood best friend decided that the entirety of the Christian church was compromised of hypocrites and that she shouldn’t try so hard to be a “good” girl. If the entire church was lying and committing sin anyway (regardless of what they profess with their mouths) why should she be any different? It started off slowly enough, a small get together with friends that weren’t believers, a change in wardrobe, music and speech. I sat there and watched this happen, I wanted to ask and confront her about it, I wanted to know why she was changing from the friend I’ve always know. Her response? I shouldn’t be so judgmental and high and mighty, who did I think I was?
      Scared that I would lose a friendship I held so near and dear I stopped questioning and started supporting, laughing when at jokes that weren’t even funny, listening to music she loved but was in way way glorifying to God. I enabled her to continue her slow but sure descent from where God wanted her to be. I wasn’t loving her in the way God called me to love her. I failed her and God. I didn’t speak up and confront her with truth and love the way that it is so evidently spelled out for us in the word of God. It’s one of my biggest regrets to this day, and I still continue to pray for her
      God calls us in true love to stand for the truth, what He has spoken and what we know is His will for our lives and not encourage iniquity, not just in other people’s lives but in our lives as well.
       Encouragement is an important aspect of Love, but Love is also holding someone accountable when you see them going down a road you know they shouldn’t be going down. If we look at parents, mentors, good teachers, family members, they’re not afraid to call us out when we are about to make a boneheaded move. In the same way that love is patient and kind, it will not tolerate iniquity, but rejoice in truth.

Application: I will keep those that I love accountable in love and truth, but also ask that I be held accountable as well ( not by the same person) making sure that I act out of a place of truth and not iniquity.

Guns Blazing

(Love) does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

1 Corinthians 13:5

           It’s really easy to point out when other people have wronged you, or even to mentally and spiritually prepare yourself to be nice to people and not selfish in a proactive manner, but what happens when its reactive?
          I know for me it’s extremely easy to be nice to people in a neutral environment ( meaning when they are being pleasant or just not being difficult) but when they are being difficult or rude, or nasty to me, being nice and loving is a completely different story.
          It’s my instinct to just respond in a defensive way and if people have their guns raised, you better believe that mine are too, and chances are I’ve already fired.  But that’s not how it’s supposed to be at all, especially not when my aim to be a representative of my Lord. I am to abandon all of my guns ( even the water guns) and embrace people with love and kindness and respect, not only when they are being pleasant but especially when they aren’t!
         Isn’t that where the juxtaposition between a life that has the Love of Christ and is able to share it and the life of a non believer highlighted in it’s greatest form? What would it matter that I have the Spirit of the one True Living God abiding in me if my actions are not different from the worlds. It’s so important to be nice, and selfless and to always give people the benefit of the doubt because it’s what I wouldn’t normally do at all, and in that I cannot take the credit for the fruit that comes out of the situation ( and you know if we act int he way that the Lord commands there is going to be fruit), the only choice I’d have is to point back to my Savior....and isn’t that the whole point anyways?