Hannah's Cry

“ She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly. And she vowed a vow and said ‘ O Lord of Hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a son then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life , and no razor shall touch his head”

      Reading through the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1 the Lord broke my heart. Hannah was a barren woman, a woman with the desire for a son, it wasn’t a bad desire, or one that went against the will of God, if anything the desire for a son aligned itself beautifully with the Word, yet it was a petition the Lord had not granted her. 

    Though her husband’s second wife ridiculed Hannah for not being able to bear children, her husband Loved her deeply and was blatant about the favor he had towards her, he provided for her and comforted her, yet not even the devoted love of her husband was enough to take away her desire for a son.

     She did the only thing she knew to do,  as a servant of God ( mentions it at least three times in that one chapter)she took her request to her Master, the Maker and Creator of the Universe. “ O Lord of  Host if you will indeed look upon the affliction of your servant” , this is the first portion of Scripture in which the name “Lord of Hosts” is used in reference to God, a name meaning the commander of the angel armies, the supreme ruler of the heavenly realms. Do you know how much skill and strategy is needed to wage earthly battles, let alone heavenly ones?! The same One who is strategically waging war on a Spiritually Universal level, had a strategic and specific  battle plan for Hannah and has a specific and strategic plan for me and you as well ( if that doesn’t bring peace into your mind I don't know what else will)

       The beautiful thing about Hannah’s Cry though ( in my opinion anyways) was the heart behind it, it wasn’t to stop the ridicule of her husband’s second wife or to gain status in the community. She was simply “pouring out my soul before the Lord” (verse 15). She was pouring out her heart and soul, her desires and her dreams before the Lord, dumping out all the contents of her heart out for the Lord to see and saying “Lord this is what I want, this is what’s in my heart”, but she didn’t just stop at pure unadulterated honesty before the Lord, she then proceeded to say that the desire she had, she would give right back to the Lord. She wasn’t just saying Lord “Gimme Gimme Gimme!” In genuine humility, she lifted her heart up towards the Lord saying “O Lord of hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant but will give our servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life” (Verse 11) ( side note, please note the many times she used the word Servant when referring to herself, humility is definitely always needed when presenting your heart before the Lord as well as a genuine heart worship and service to the Lord.

     It was a challenge for me on a very personal level. I felt the Lord asking me “ If I answer your cry, will you give it back to me?”. I’m at a point where I can honestly say yes I would, but I couldn’t have gotten here without the Lord, and that period of anxious waiting, He had me go through. My desires are great and all but the important thing is that I give my all to the Lord, that includes them too. If I want to work here or there, travel, encourage , teach whatever it might be those things aren't bad in and of themselves, the problem arises when I don't give those desires  right back tot the Lord, instead of saying  "Lord this is what's in my heart, if you would give them to me, I'll give them right back to you and use them to glorify your name" I might sometimes stop at only  "Lord this is what's in my heart, give them to me please". There is such a huge difference especially within the Heart of the one Crying out.
     “ And in due time Hannah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Samuel” (Verse 20). Due Time, there is sincerely a time line that the Lord is woking out, it was not that Hannah’s desire or Cry was against the Lord’s will, He just had a specific time frame in which He needed and wanted to get things done. Not to mention if He hadn’t of withheld this son from her, she might have never have consecrated Samuel unto the Lord in the manner which she did, which allowed Samuel to receive intense instruction in Hebrew Law and it was this equipping that complimented quite strongly the call God had placed on Samuel’s life in being a Prophet to the nation of Israel and in being a spiritual influence in the life of King David, the only man in which the Bible states was a Man after God’s own Heart. More importantly though, that time of waiting on the Lord did a work in Hannah's Heart, and strengthened her faith in the Lord and the trust she had in Him in a way that nothing else probably did.

    If you are asking the Lord for something, and He’s not giving it to you, could simply be that what you’re asking is not His will for your life, but it could also be that your heart is not in the right place to receive the blessing, it could be possible that if you receive whatever  it you are asking for , the Lord knows you would not give it back to Him, and it would end up distracting you from the Him more than drawing you closer to Him.

   Ask yourself honestly, could you utter Hannah’s Cry “if it be Your Will Father, I Will Do it Unto You”?

Hopefully A Human Bible Who Really Loves Popcorn

1 Corinthians 9:19

“ For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all so that I might win more of them”

“ I am set free, it is for freedom that I am set free” - I Am Set Free ( All Sons & Daughters)

The Lord speaks to me through  songs sometimes. Obviously the impact found within the song gets its power from the Spiritual Truth of the Word capture between it’s chords but regardless... My freedom, the freedom I have found in the Love of Christ has a purpose. Yes it has released me from multiple prisons and chains that I have shackled myself with, but more than that, more than just affecting me, my freedom now allows me to affect others and show them how to attain it. 

    I am also now faced with the paradoxical dilemma that comes from the Truth that ,in order to be an example of freedom and an arrow that points to the source of my freedom  I have to be freely willing to sacrifice that freedom to become a servant. That means thinking of myself last, putting others first, acting upon the desires that the Lord has for me and not my own. Whether that practically looks like allowing everyone to grab their food before I grab mine, or laying myself down and allow another person to take the lead.. It could also mean willingly submitting and joyfully doing anything and everything that might be asked of me, while always keeping an eye out for ways of going the extra mile and doing more than the bare minimum. Even as I’m typing this out a part of me is growing more and more anxious,waiting to freak out and say“ BUT I CAN’T DO THAT !“ ... and that’s the whole point, I can’t. 

    If I try I’ll just put on the same shackles of bondage that Christ has already freed me of. In the same way that it was only Him that could set me free of my sin and the prison I had created for my self, so is He the only one that will be able to empower me to do this at times seemingly impossible task.  The beauty of it is, that in my weakness, I now as a daughter of God have no other choice ( or desire) but to let my heavenly father help me and it’s that strength that He gives me that will allow me to do the impossible, and ultimately bear witness and testify to the unfailing strength and love of Christ.

    Whether that’s cleaning, cooking, waking up early on my off days or sharing my popcorn, what I’m doing doesn’t matter, it’s how I’m doing it that does.   

   Is it reflecting the Love of God and showing the power of freedom found within that love, or is it reflecting my fleshly self, one can lead people to an eternal life with the Creator, the other can put someone off of that Love and possibly be the excuse they use  to separate themselves from it forever . As a christian I may be the only bible someone ever comes in contact with and that truth places in my heart a huge responsibility to act in a manner worthy of the gospel wherever I am and in whatever I am doing. May my life be lived in such a way that my willing servanthood be one that proclaims the gospel, without me ever having to speak a single word.

Learning A Lesson...Again

Luke Chapter 17 Verse 7 through 10

“ Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come at once and recline at the table? Will he not rather say to him, ‘prepare supper for me, and dress properly and serve me while I eat and drink? Does he thank the servant because he did what he was commanded? So you also , when you have done all that you were commanded, say we are unworthy servants, we have only done what was our duty”

       So this isn’t the first time that I’ve had to IBS these verses.  I went back and I read the IBS I had previously written on the last part of this portion of scripture, just to see what I had written. It is just as convicting the second time as it was the first. The only difference is that because my relationship with the Lord has grown,so have the responsibilities and the situations He’s put me in. I am not just faced with being a good servant, a profitable servant, during KP or servant time but it’s also to now go above and beyond in ALL areas of ministry that He has gifted and entrusted me with. The main point of this portion of scripture was probably always to get me to do that conclusion (I'm getting there, slowly but surely,baby steps right?) , but where I’m at right now in my life, it’s definitely given me a cold hard reality check. I am to throw myself deeper into all of my commitments, and that doesn’t just mean in passion but in faith as well. The faith to truly believe that all that I am doing, whatever it is whether big or small in my own flesh tainted eyes, is worthy to my Master when done with an upright heart. It's a reality check to what my motivation for serving actually is, it shouldn’t be to have a cool story during re-entry, or to compare my field experience with anyone else’s even my own team’s but rather my motivation should be to please the one that has Redeemed and Ransomed me. In Hebrews 11:6 it says “For without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he that comes to God must believe that He is”. So when it seems hard, or uncertain or unclear I am to serve still, and do so with in faith and with everything I have, always looking for an opportunity to do more, because I am not serving anyone else but the One who is the True Living God.

      It’s not to say that the Lord demands all of this back breaking service or is cruel or mistreats His servants, that’s not it at all, in fact Hebrews 11:6  concludes by saying  “and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him”. The Lord loves me, He’s already proven that on the cross and in the Unfailing Steadfast Love that He shows me daily, but He also choses on top of all that to be a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him, not in appearance but in their hearts. I would rather do the same exact thing every single day ( which if you know me would not be easy ) and do it with a right heart ,one that is diligently seeking the Lord is everything I do, say or think than have a jam packed schedule but completely forget to Seek after Him. 

     God is Good, all the time God is good, even in those times when I lose sight of what is really important. I want to be a profitable servant, and those are made within the heart, not within the job. 

Words Can't Express How Sorry I am That it's Taken Me This Long to Post

 I am ridiculously sorry that it has taken me this long to write, especially during my time on the field but you wouldn't not believe how much God is on the move here in Antigua, I get so caught up in the amazing things going on all around me I many times forget to relay that. But that's no excuse, and this is my small yet sincere attempt at atoning for my carelessness.

 So we were challenged by one of our leaders to IBS ( Inductive Bible Study) the same verses that the students who are currently in Guatemala going through the training portion of their one year commitment are going through this week as they look at the characteristic of servanthood.